Top Ten Reasons to have a Big Wedding
By ELYSA HENDRICKS
With spring in the air a young man’s fancy turns to love, but a young woman’s eye lands on an entirely different prize – a wedding, preferably a BIG one.
May and June are the traditional months for insanity – I mean weddings. So what is it about planning a wedding that turns normally rational people – Mom and Dad – into psycho parents? How can formally calm, basically boring people become raving lunatics? Turn Moms of the brides and grooms into overbearing frantic control freaks. And Fathers into misers who complain loud and long about every itty bitty expense? Like:
“Who needs a $10,000 wedding gown? You can only wear it once!”
“Why do you need to gold leaf the wedding cake?”
“350 people at $150 a head? We don’t know 350 people! $150 a head! Are we diamond crusting the fillet mignon, too?”
Yeah, fathers have no clue what it takes to plan and pay for a ‘proper’ wedding, you know something simple along the line of Kate and William’s little shindig.
My actual experience with weddings is limited to my budget event years and years and years ago, attending them, and watching my older son get married via web cam. BTW that marriage didn’t last but four months. So in honor of the season I thought I’d put together my Top Ten list of Reasons to have a BIG wedding.
10. You can have a wedding shower or two or three and get some really neat gifts like blenders, cheese servers and fancy china that you’ll never use. A couple years later when you’re broke you can sell them at a garage sale for some extra cash.
9. All your single girlfriends will be jealous and your married friends will give you unwanted advice. If you’re a guy all your married friends will warn you not to do it and your single friends will start planning your bachelor party. Guys, be careful, bachelor parties can be dangerous – remember THE HANGOVER.
8. Once you’re engaged your old boyfriends – the ones who dumped you – now that there’s no chance they’ll have to be the groom, will start hanging around again. If you’re a guy, those old girlfriends will do their best to get you to cheat. Warning, don’t do it or you’ll end up remaining single.
7. You get a really cool diamond ring – unless your finance is unemployed, in which case you can always buy your own. But then why bother to get married?
6. Shopping for your wedding gown with your bridesmaids is fun, because it’s all about YOU. Just don’t eat in a strange little restaurant before you go for your first fitting – remember the movie BRIDESMAIDS?
5. You get to choose the color and style of the bridesmaid dresses, so you can get back at the married one who forced you to wear that hideous pink and purple, ruffled monstrosity.
4. Cabana boys and male escorts are putting a real strain on your budget. If you’re a guy we won’t talk about what’s straining your budget.
3. Therapists are expensive. Once you’re married you’ll have someone around 24/7 to listen to your complaints. And if you believe that one I have some ocean front property in Nevada for sale.
2. You’re tired of having sex anyways.
And the number one reason to get married and have a wedding…
1. If you’re lucky and work extremely hard you get to spend the rest of your life with your best friend and lover.
ELYSA HENDRICKS is 5’6″ tall. She has brown eyes and curly hair. She’s an author, a wife, a mother and a daughter. Everything else is subject to change without notice. And she loves to hear from readers and other authors.